October 18, 2012

Where the Boys Are.

Posted in Parenthood tagged , , , , , , , at 3:48 pm by openendedcomment

In my home.  That’s where the boys are.  I can prove this by the chaos that unfolds here on a daily basis.  Today it has been highlighted.  It is MEA week.  In Minnesota that means our children are off of school for two days as the teachers are all at an educational conference, though of all of the teachers I know most are enjoying their time off as opposed to being in downtown St Paul listening to speakers.  I don’t fault them for this.  I would, too.  Especially if I had children.  Which I do…see above.

My children, during MEA, are like caged animals set free after six weeks in captivity (aka school.)  They arrived home last night ready to party like rock-stars.  I was ready to go to work today and was not feeling great.  My two eldest, 16 and 13 respectively, managed to get themselves grounded Tuesday night so they were/are not happy teenagers without their phones/i-touches/computers, etc.  For those that aren’t aware, this appears to be relatable to ending/ruining their lives and/or removing limbs and they have taken every opportunity to tell me so.  Have I ever mentioned how much I love puberty?

My younger boys, 11 and 9, are on a mission.  That mission appears to be to 1) make the teenagers nuts and 2) to destroy our home or at least to test the limits of our insurance coverage and my ability to not drink before six pm.  One would think that with children aged 16,13,11 and 9, one could leave the home for a few hours.  One would be wrong.

I arrived back home within three and a half hours of work to the following:

  • A plant that was not in its pot (plants vs zombies, their version of cowboys and indians, was not a good plan.)
  • A dishwasher leaking everywhere with a copious amount of bubbles coming from it.
  • A couch that is the wrong color, in a  splash pattern.
  • A cat who is terrified and a dog who is smug.  Not sure I want to know the back story.
  • A mouse who is/was in parts, many parts,  scattered through my garage and the other cat who is…happy (they caught a mouse, threw it in the garage and then threw the cat in because “he’s a natural hunter and he looked bored”…OMG…please don’t call PETA)  I stepped in said mouse when exiting my car so it’s fair to say I’ve been punished enough.
  • A Keurig in need of repair.
  • Two weeks worth of groceries utterly decimated.
  • A bathroom far wetter than it ought to be.
  • A child with a bruise from a plunger backfiring (no, you most certainly do NOT want to know.)
  • Two little boys in robes because they’re having a “no pants” day.
  • One 13-year-old girl ranting about said boys and the tragedy that is her life.
  • One 16-year-old boy close to tears because he’s only been able to communicate with his girlfriend four times using the (gasp!) house phone which he has to actually talk into as opposed to text…the horrors.


It’s been three hours since my return and the house is clean(ish), my home repair company has been called and is en route, two children are gone (thank you, Jamie!), the other two are quietly playing a game as I’ve sufficiently clarified what will happen if they do not.  I am working and am far more productive than I would be at my office fielding calls from these little (ahem) angels.  I’ve managed a webinar, two marketing pieces and several emails.  My husband, bless his heart, is unaware of all of this as he (smart man) has been utterly unreachable since 5 AM.

He will arrive home at about 5:30 or 6 this evening.  I will have dinner ready not because he expects it but because I don’t want to goanywhere with all of them tonight, not because I don’t love them all but because with the roll they’re on I don’t want to pay for damages.  I will smile and provide him a quick recap, leaving out many of the highlights as there is no real point after all is already addressed and done.  And when he asks why I’m on my third drink when I so rarely drink during the week (or at all and yes I am absolutely planning this, the wine is chilling as I type) or why I won’t want him to leave me here with all of them tonight if a neighbor should call and request his company, I will calmly direct him to this little post and remind him where the big boys may go.







  1. Jamie Dalsin said,

    Sounds like a lovely day Heidi. My day was slightly different. Woke up early to say goodbye to older two boys as they headed for the airport and an extended weekend trip with Grandma and Grandpa to Washington DC. Left the younger two sleeping as I headed off to go to a cleaning job for 3 hours. Received two calls while gone from the youngest to see if he could play games and if he could open the tortilla chips to make nachos as their appetizer for lunch. Arrived home to see they had made mac-n-cheese for lunch and very little mess. Darrin had completed his laundry in my abscense and they both emptied the dishwasher and cleaned up lunch except for the pan as I was enjoying the rest of the mac-n-cheese for lunch myself. It was a pleasant day..,,I mean…I’m not bragging or anything…lol….call me for a glass of wine next time, life will be quiet here this weekend so come on over.

  2. Jamie Dalsin said,

    Oh and the mouse thing….we’ve had 3 partial remenants left in our basement this past week, the mice must be searching for indoor homes…but how does our cat manage to leave just the intestines and poop sac comepletely untouched? Thank god Jason is the one who is finding them first, yuck!

    • Ummm…yuck! But yes, my home is always more chaotic than yours. Some people send their puppies to obedience school, perhaps I should send my children to Koblas school!

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